Let’s talk about Boundaries.
Prior to all sessions a discussion of boundaries is imperative. It is the roadmap to a relaxing and an enjoyable experience. Often, women will tell me to, “just do whatever I (you) want” to make them feel good. Proactively improving your sex life is not a series of touches and techniques. It is, however, you engaged and deciding what you like, do not like, and what you fantasize about. This is what a list of boundaries will highlight for us.
How and where do you want to be touched, soft, hard, fast slow, etc.? Perhaps, you prefer NOT to have your tummy, toes or anus tickled. This is where boundaries come in, yours and mine.
First, I will list session boundaries to give you an idea where to start for yourself. During a session I remain fully clothed. Additionally, it is my goal to keep myself and my partner safe from disease, therefore, I maintain a no exchange of bodily fluids rule. Simply put, I will not provide oral sex or penis penetration, penetration is provided by hands or toys, as you request. Since there is an immeasurable amount of opportunities with hands and toys, I am consistently able to meet the needs of my clients.
In addition to listing session ‘wants’ and ‘don’ts’, we also discuss the eventuality of modifying as the session progresses. For example, let’s say you mention anal massage as a ‘no-go’, but during the session, you decide differently. So, we discuss this prior to, during and if needed at the end of our session. We maintain fluidity and adaptability while clearly stating any boundary modifications. Nothing is done without your consent and request.
During this pre-session discussion, we clarify that you must request any modifications to the planned session. As a sexual surrogate and professional, I honor and respect your desires. Therefore, you will not be propositioned at any time or in any way to exceed your comfort zone or boundaries; this is about your pleasure, not mine. This must be explicitly stated and abruptly in order to provide emphasis to the seriousness of this professional boundary. Sadly, the frequency of this question warrants these sentences.
The beauty of setting parameters for your session is that you have control. In the dance of touch (sex) and intimacy many will rely on trying to provide clues, such as moaning in pleasure to indicate we want more or touching a hand to move it closer to that feel good spot. Here, hints are (usually) unnecessary and inefficient, discussing what you want beforehand adds it to the focus for your session agenda. You set the goal, I channel my healing energy and use my experience to give you exactly what you desire. This facilitates a degree of relaxation otherwise not present at a first session. First sessions can be awkward, it is the way we humans are built to be vigilant around someone new. Behaviorist term this as activation of the vigilance center. I see it in all my sessions. In order to appease the vigilance center, entering a session where boundaries are clear, modified with consent, and respectfully adhered to, exceed my client’s expectations.