How Yoni Massage Helped Me Rewire My Relationship with Pleasure – My First Yoni Massage Orgasm
Sex has not been something that I have enjoyed in my life. Mine has been a sad story, when it comes to sex. I am one of those unlucky women who attracted the attention of men at a very young age. I won’t go into detail when it comes to the encounter, but I was seven the first time I had sex that I didn’t want to have.
Having had sex forced upon me at such a young age, I continued a lifelong pattern of only relating to sex through lack of desire. I had a lot of unwanted sexual contact. From having boyfriends at a very young age and having a reputation for being sexually active, to engaging with more abusive men in college and in my early twenties.
I honestly had no experience of actually deriving pleasure from sex. My relationship to it was very passive. It was something that I simply allowed to happen to me and my body. It was something that I endured.
Even when I found myself with a kinder man who really did want to provide me with pleasure, I ended up chasing him away over time, because I was not available for pleasure involving sex. I simply had no connection to it.
What I had, was a very long series of experiences that stood as evidence in my bank that sex was not a pleasurable experience. I was completely disconnected from my body’s ability to experience sensual pleasure. I literally had no context for it. My body did not believe that sex could be a pleasurable experience.
I had been in acceptance of the idea that I would never experience a sex life that actually turns me on. That was what I really believed was in store for me in life. Then I discovered the existence of yoni massage as a healing service for women. A local yoni massage therapist’s website cracked my whole world open with possibility.
I had found a yoni massage therapist’s website that detailed a process in which one could essentially replace negative experiences involving pleasure with men with positive experiences through yoni massage service. The idea being, that exposure to pleasure from a man in a safe and trustworthy environment, can build evidence for the body that such an experience can be positive, and the body can learn to relax and become more receptive to pleasure.
The inability to relax while being touched is what blocks pleasure in the body. It is a trauma state. If the body never gets the chance to feel safe, it is not possible for the brain to receive the body’s transmissions of the experience of pleasure. The pleasure information is literally blocked.
This man’s website offered a process in which a woman can engage with intimate touch from a man on many different levels. To ease into touch and experiencing pleasure, you could start by keeping your clothes on, and simply embracing the yoni massage therapist, while cuddling, or receiving soft, soothing touches while clothed. You could even request foot massage or playing with your hair.
I loved the idea of moving through a process in which I could decide the pace myself and of having my first yoni massage orgasm. For me, it represented the opportunity to drive the experience entirely through my body and my own desires, for the first time in my life. I had never engaged with sexual touch from the position of being able to make all of the choices. I could feel that it would be an empowering experience for me. It had to be, since all I had known was having my power taken away when it comes to sex.
In this process that is specifically aimed at healing from sexual abuse, I could begin by allowing my body to get comfortable with this person, and learning to relax while being touched. I knew that if I could train my body to relax while someone else touched me, I would have a much better chance of actually experiencing pleasure.
I could start at the pace of my choosing, and things could develop all the way to the point in which I could explore having orgasms of different forms, being stimulated in different places and in different ways all over my body.
I wanted to open up a new chapter in my sexual experience, and I wanted to heal from my painful past of feeling victimized by sex. I wanted to take my power and my pleasure back. I wanted to discover them for the first time. And I had a good feeling about the yoni massage therapist as a person, having watched a bunch of his videos on his site. I was ready to take the leap.
I made my first appointment with him, and explained over the phone that I was going to be one of his clients that would need to take things especially slow. He was very understanding, and let me know that we would just sit and talk for a while at the beginning of my first appointment, then we would decide what would feel good to do.
When I arrived for my appointment, he had me sit with him in a comfortable chair, and he asked me to explain to him what was my motivation for booking the appointment. I shared with him much of what is detailed above, as well as some of the more specific negative experiences I had had in the past. He was very understanding about how I would feel unsafe in experiencing pleasure with a man. He let me know that he cared very much about helping me to feel safe to receive pleasure. He helped me to feel like his goal was the same as mine, and he assured me that he would only ever do what I asked for, and he would never push for more, nor was he interested in satisfying himself in any way. He made it very clear that this time was just for me and my body.
He then asked me how I would like to begin, if I would like to start with a specific way of touching, or certain pleasurable touches? I decided I wanted to start with a hug, with some soothing back rubs, and then maybe see if I felt comfortable enough to lay down on the massage table and let him give me relaxing touches while I was still clothed. I felt it was likely that was as far as I would be able to go during an initial appointment.
How I had my first yoni massage orgasm
The first time he touched me while giving me a hug, I was uncomfortable at first. My body was stressed. He slowly rubbed his hands up and down my back, giving me soft and soothing touches. He was very relaxed and patient while I focused on trying to get my body to relax under his touch. He swayed a little while holding me, and eventually asked if I would like to try lying down on the table.
I felt a little bit more relaxed, so I decided I could try lying face down and letting him give me some more soothing touch. He swept his hands over my clothes, on my back, down my sides, along my legs and my arms. We had agreed that he would keep his touch very minimally teasing for this session, so he only slightly brought is touch closer to the areas of my body that are most sensitive. The more he proved that he only wanted to touch me the way I had requested, the more I was able to relax under his touch. I considered the amount my body was able to relax to be quite a success.
At the following appointment, I agreed to try the same thing, but this time with some teasing touch along the edges of my clothing. I was surprised to experience more sensation of turn on than I ever had. When he began by simply helping my body to relax, suddenly I could feel so much more with each touch in my more sensitive areas, especially.
At the following appointment I felt okay with having him help me remove my clothes slowly as a part of the session, then lightly tease me while also giving me soothing touches all over my body. By the next session I was ready to begin by removing my clothes myself, then he would help me relax, and then I was finally ready for him to give me some stimulation on my pussy.
I eventually made it all the way to exploring the different forms of orgasm with the yoni massage therapist – I had never experienced pleasure like that in my life! My relationship to my body and being touched changed completely, and I started to attract connections with men who were capable of touching me in the same loving way. Exploring my relationship to pleasure through yoni massage changed the trajectory of my entire life. I’m really glad I had my first yoni massage o